How to Spot a Tourist

photo by LasVegasbyLocals.com

The creature known as the Relevart (traveler spelled backwards) Vegasean is a peculiar breed riddled with all sorts of contradictions. Its behavior is unlike that of the normal variety of homeo sapiens from which it obviously descends.  These creatures are a migratory species native to areas around the world, yet the one thing that ties them all together is their pilgrimage to Las Vegas. Population: There were approximately 38,928,708 Relevarts in … [Read more...]

You Know You’re From Vegas When…..

You no longer associate bridges (or river) with water.. You've ever been asked whether or not you live in a hotel. Most of the moving walkways in your town aren't in the airport. You can instantly recall the schedule for all of the free shows. You have a "Mob" Museum. You can name at least two places to see white tigers, and neither of them are zoos. You can find more celebrities in your town at any given time than you … [Read more...]

The Well Endowed Man

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Four ladies were out to lunch one afternoon catching up on the latest happenings in each of their lives. The waiter was serving the women their salads, deftly using the old school wooden peppermill to sprinkle freshly ground pepper on each, as one of the ladies was telling a story. The woman was an ER nurse. She was telling the girls about a man who brought his girlfriend into the ER because apparently he was so well endowed that he caused the poor … [Read more...]

You Know it’s Summer in Vegas When….

courtesy ahajokes.com

You can make instant sun tea. You ask for a straw when you order an ice cream cone. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window. You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the … [Read more...]

Las Vegas Hall of Shame – Guests Who Oughta Be Shot (not really)

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You meet all kinds of people in the hospitality industry. Honestly, most are very nice but every once in a while you have to deal with some that are miserable, pampered pains in the ass. Sorry, I can't mention names or the actual places they occurred because it would put people's jobs in jeopardy. Here's a few examples. The Offensive Table Two middle-aged couples are at a fine dining restaurant here in Las Vegas and are walked to a perfectly nice table … [Read more...]

The Stoner and the Vent

courtesy guyism.com

Recently during a Punk Rock Festival in Las Vegas a guest staying at the host hotel for the event left his room to get ice. The guy had been drinking and smoking weed all day. So, he goes down the hall and can't find the ice machine and somehow goes out the fire exit stairwell. If you've ever been in one you know that you can't get back in.  The door only opens from the other side. You have to continue down the stairwell to the bottom where it opens up to … [Read more...]

Where are they from?

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When you work in the hospitality business here in fabulous Las Vegas you meet people from all over. It's where the world comes to party after all, and if you've been doing this for any length of time you learn a few things that will give away where a guest is from. Let's see how good you are.                                                                        1) Asks for lemon with their diet coke. 2) Orders … [Read more...]

Little Old Lady / Thirteen Year Old Boy LOL

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Most of the stories I write in LOL are restaurant related because that's where I've worked for most of my life and are based on true life experiences. I have a friend who is a Security Guard in a casino and he has given me a couple of good stories to share. Here's two of them. (There were lots more stories, but I try to keep my blog at around a PG rating. LOL) Little Old Lady While working the information desk one evening at a casino, the security guard … [Read more...]

Filet Mignon – LOL

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    A food server is taking an order from three women at a Steakhouse that has an 8 ounce Filet Mignon listed under the entrees. The first lady says, "I'll have the 8 inch Filet Mignon." The second lady laughs and says to the server, "Don't mind her. She's got a new man in her life." The third lady hands the first woman a piece of paper and says, "Here's my number. Give it to him if things don't work out." LOL!   … [Read more...]

Scungili – LOL

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  Four men were dining at an Italian Restaurant. Listed under the appetizers on the menu was Scungili. None of the men had ever heard of the dish so they asked the server what it was. Now, I should mention here that their server, Octavio, had a very heavy South American accent. He also had a habit of putting a "t" at the end of words that didn't belong there. For example; he pronounced the beer Heineken, Heinekit and so on. Well, what Octovio … [Read more...]

LOL Las Vegas- the $25 Bottle

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A European couple is looking over the wine list in a very nice restaurant and pointing to a page say to the server, "We would like a bottle of zee $25 Korcasge". The server leaves the table and goes to the Sommelier and says, "The guy at my table just ordered a bottle of the corkage fee." Well, needless to say they had a good laugh about that. But here's the best part. The Sommelier returns to the table and asks, "Would you like that in red or white sir?" … [Read more...]

Don’t Piss Off the Cooks

During work at a restaurant located within a hotel/ casino, a food server got "into it" with the cooks that he works with and complained to the Chef who in turn got on the cooks case about what ever the issue was. Later that evening..... One of the cooks was in the walk-in cleaning up and noticed there was a plastic bag with shrimp in it that was about to reach its expiration date and brought it to the Chef's attention. Naturally the Chef told him to … [Read more...]

 
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