Hide your bathroom scale, get the expandable clothing ready, and make out your last will and testament. The Heart Attack Grill is coming to Las Vegas and is scheduled to open on Tuesday (maybe we should call it Fat Tuesday) October 11th Downtown at the Neonopolis.
Sin City’s Favorite Sin – Gluttony
In Las Vegas the ability to commit many sins is made easy with gluttony at the top of the list.. Everywhere you look there is an all-you-can-eat buffet. We even have a “buffet” of buffets that allows you to stuff your face morning noon and night. We have Hash House a Go Go at four locations in Las Vegas, which is four too many in my opinion, and now we are adding The Heart Attack Grill to the list of where to go to eat like a pig. I’ll give them credit for their in your face, no holds barred, honest approach. Try the 8,000 calorie “Quadruple Bypass Burger” or the “Flatliner Fries” cooked in lard. They also advertise non-filter cigarettes and have candy cigarettes for the kids. Aaawh. Isn’t that nice?
Is there a Doctor in the house?
The waitresses are dressed like nurses, (as in hot adult movie nurses), there’s an ambulance parked out front, the restaurant name screams a warning, and the owner calls himself Dr. Jon! Their spokesmodel, Blair River who weighed a whopping 570 pounds dropped dead at the age of 29 earlier this year and the motto of The Heart Attack Grill is “Taste Worth Dying For”. Seriously? They even go so far as to offer fatties that weigh over 350 pounds a FREE MEAL!
“The Heart Attack Grill diet is not for everyone. (No Sh#%!) Side effects may include sudden weight gain, repeated increase in wardrobe size, back pain, male breast growth, loss of sexual partners, lung cancer, liver sclerosis, stroke and an inability to see your penis. In some cases mild death may occur.” And I thought the disclaimers on those Cialas commercials were scary.
Will the Heart Attack Grill be a Success?
I hate to say it, but yes. It probably will. It’s like telling a little kid he better not go near something. It just makes it all the more enticing. Not to mention the tempting “nurses”. Guys are willing to risk a hell of a lot to be around hot chicks. Maybe the Heart Attack Grill has figured out something the big tobacco companies haven’t. Just be honest. Tell everyone it’s probably going to kill them and change the brand names to Cancer Sticks, Smoking Death, or Lung Maggots. Kinda catchy huh? Bottom line……this is Las Vegas, Sin City and the Heart Attack Grill seems like it’ll be a perfect fit.
2 Heart Attacks!!!
I’m updating this article to tell you that all kidding aside, since it’s opening in October, two guests have left the Heart Attack Grill by ambulance. FOR REAL! Maybe you’d be better off with a salad. Something to think about……